Not to make a big deal of it – but this is the first post in like, ages. We’re not sure who is the most bored out of you and we – but there’s a good stiff shot of whisky suggesting that it’s us. You’re reading this stuff, so you’re at least partially motivated. We’re not even sure we want to finish this paragraph.
[insert irrelevant but up-beat, funky image here]
That’s a note to us to do something about Search Engine Optimisation. That’s a ridiculously long phrase. No wonder everyone just uses SEO. SEO involves all those little tricks that help convince Google or Bing or Dingo or Arktica or BambooCandlesticksSuck that your work should rank highly in their search results. Apparently, cool photos do a good job of kicking you up those rankings. Videos, it seems, are even better. No way in hell you’re gonna get a video out of us though – way toooo much effort. And titles – you’ve gotta have titles with relevant headings and stuff. Nup. That’s way too much mousework.
Of course we could pay some Dark Net spammer to tack our links onto their next attempt at world domination but then we’d have to want to talk to someone or pay something or do something, and that’s just dull.
Apparently something called “keywords” is really, roolly helpful. But we’re not going there.
Don’t you just hate it when fabulously rich, globally recognized celebrities bemoan their billions of slavish followers or grumble at their inability to cavort and frolic in billionaire playgrounds without attracting attention? Well, we do. So, to avoid the extremely unlikely event of our site moving to a state of global renown, we’re going to avoid doing anything that might accidentally steer us down that awful pathway. High brow of us, ain’t it?
[insert clever, witty, relevant video. ensure alt description follows title relevance and keyword/s]
Ha. As if.
See, we’ve added a photo. Yay! for an impressive spurt of productivity from us, man.
Now we’re gonna trawl Unsplash for photos to add. Just because. Not too many though, ’cause we’re near our limits.
Gorgeous model apparently not named, Photo by Timothy Paul Smith on Unsplash
Yeh, we know. That photo has already been used. But we like it. There’s no other reason, really.
Our limits for output were exceeded paragraphs ago.
We’re going back to Unsplash to haunt the work depository of other people’s hard effort.
If we’ve accidentally managed to entertain you or unbore you or send you offline then please accept our completely insincere but grammatically correct apologies and stuff. Forgive us, for we know not what we do.
Out.